blurred,chaotic,messy,unsettled,obscured

Should I / Shouldn't I ?!

2007-09-18T12:53:00.000+05:30

Life. Is it about being content or being greedy. Some say you've got only 1, make every minute count. Do everything you possibly can and some more. No fun limiting yourself. Step on the gas. Reach for the stars. Little do they realise that the same star can make you evaporate in no time!

On the flipside there's the opinion that you should know your limits. Lead a slow peaceful life with no tensions no worries. Go with the flow , exercise, work only to earn 3 square meals a day, be content with watching people having glamourous lives on t v. What about the monotony such a life will lead to ? What about the exotic life beyond the confines of your cosy home that you often hear about ? Are you content being Alice who never went down the rabbit hole ?

Yeah, Yeah! I know what you want to say. Take the middle route. But how do I know what's the middle route ? How'll I know where I am being content and where I am pushing myself to the point of breakdown ? Is it possible to be able to exactly pinpoint the situations where one needs to be content and the ones where one needs to be greedy. I'd love to meet a person who can say that they've never made mistakes regarding the same.

Can I borrow some time please ?

2007-09-11T18:50:00.000+05:30

Time flies. I can't believe it'll soon been a year since I wrote anything. Not that I can write well, but it used to be the only ways of getting out things that used to corrupt my paranoid mind every now and then. I am thankful I haven't had to resort to it in the past year. But then when I used to write, I had the opportunity for introspection. This past year has gone by without letting me breathe. Weekdays I used to feel I had nothing to do. But by the time I got to work and back(put in a couple of other things here and there), I would be begging god to give me a longer day next and come weekend I'd be out of town on some obligation(Thankfully never on work!). My parents feel I don't visit them often. My friends complain they never see me enough. Is it my age or am I the only person suffering from this syndrome , I wonder. Am I that bad at time management or is it too much for my lil being to take ? In between all this I can't remember what happened to Pramod as a person. His dreams, his aspirations, his life! Some of you might know there was something I wanted to achieve this year. Something I wanted desperately and have been dreaming about for quite sometime. I don't see myself even on the road that'd take me there , let alone being anywhere near it. Have I got my priorities wrong ? No , I couldn't have spent this year any other way. Then what went wrong ? How have a lost a whole precious year of my life and more importantly youth ? I know there is no point crying over spilt milk but I would definitely want to know the answer so I don't end up doing the same mistake again.

"Goals"

2006-09-14T22:40:00.000+05:30

It's been a long time since I blogged. I seem to have lost it because there doesn't seem to be anything making me wonder these days. I go to office come back home. Catch up with friends over the weekend and that's it. Isn't there anything happening anywhere or is it just me ? Why do I feel like I am sailing away in no particular direction ? Why don't I seem to have any goal in life ? I used to have goals in life. I used to say I am going to do this by this time. It used to feel like there is nothing else to life but that. But once I was done with what I set out to do , there was a sense of emptiness taking over me. Ofcourse there used to be the joy of accomplishment. but that was momentary. Once that wore off it was back to routine. Back to directionless sailing that I talked about. Is it worth the effort ? the momentary joy of having done something ? It's been quite a while since I really thought of doing anything with my whole heart. I seem to be doing just fine. There hasn't been anything missing from my life, yet I have a weird feeling it isn't normal. But how do I determine what's normal ? It's from what I see everyday. My peers define what's normal and what isn't and when I see them running the rat race that life's become , I feel I am not normal. I feel I want the zillion rupee job. I feel I want the MBA degree from the most coveted institute. I feel I want the ferrari with the engine that schumi will be driving for few more races. I feel I want the beach house in the carribean. I feel I want a private gulf stream IV. Do I really feel all that if I take out the "peer" factor ? and so I keep sailing away directionless.....

I need a break :)

2006-06-26T00:55:00.000+05:30

Ever thought what a vacation does to a person ? Till now I was under the impression that it just gives you time to explore the world miles away from you. That it does little else than letting you see exotic locations (based on your budget that is ) so when your friend tries to make a comment or 2 about it , you can jump in and say you are damn sure that you have better knowledge about the place , since you'd been there last summer. People were saying a lot of things about relaxing mentally during their vacation but that seemed utterly meaningless since I didn't know how much more relaxed can a person be than his/her normal life. That anyone would have a clear mind in whatever situation s/he might be. Which should be the ideal situation otherwise the person won't be able to make the right decisions ever in his/her life.

Recently I have come to realise how much of an effect a few days totally cut off from your routine can have on the way you see things. Going somewhere totally cut off from your regular life, somewhere you won't be bothered about getting up and going to office, somewhere you won't be worried as to what'll people think of what you wear, will clean your mind of the things that you take for granted or are assumed in your day to day life. So much that once you are back everything will seem so different from what you'd left it. That you'll be able to see everything in a new light. But (yeah there are buts at every point in our lives!!!) this new perspective will soon be overshadowed by your routine and again things fall right back where you'd left them. But that little window where you can see things a little different leaves a lot of room for making the right decisions before the cobwebs settle again. So it wouldn't hurt taking a little vacation before major taking any major decision that might change your life. Just a little thought :)

Fear of the unknown

2006-04-25T23:44:00.000+05:30

I have always wondered what makes a person confident rather why some people (like me???)lack self confidence. A person low on self confidence is so because s/he thinks what s/he's capable of is minimal compared to what other people are capable of even though currently not many of them might have achieved what this person has. On the other hand an over confident person thinks s/he can do anything in the world even though s/he wouldn't even be capable of earning 2 square meals a day. It's all about the individual's perception of the other people in the planet. Since each one of us know ourselves very well , some feel that what they know should be common to everyone. They make it the base for all humankind. For the qualities they perceive others to posess can never be lower than that because what they have would've become common to them. On the other hand there are people for whom even a small thing that every individual posesses , s/he'll think to be unique to him/her. That s/he is the only blessed one on the planet.That s/he's an example for everyone else. That all that's not known to him/her can't be larger than him/her.

Either ways it's a recipe for disaster. Over confident person tends to underestimate the "opponent" in every walk of life and tends to be less prepared, while the one lacking confidence tends to over estimate the "opponent" and not take chances at all eventhough s/he might be able to win without any effort. One might argue that the over confident person might be able to come out of the situation using his intelligence but as the old saying goes "Empty vessels make more noise". Similarly the person lacking confidence might have prepared a thousand times more than what's required but think about it . Will his/her psychology permit him/her to take that one chance ? We don't live in an ideal world. It's a first hand experience that it's impossible to get rid of the either(I have experienced only one :D)!!!!!!!!!!

Love - Hate Relationship

2006-04-08T23:25:00.000+05:30

I used to think it happens only in novels and movies, but to experience something similar in real life made me dumbstruck. It's amazing how people come to like each other and people who like each other come to hate more than their worst enemy just because of one thing which might not even last a few hours. I am not sure how many of us have experienced this first hand but this is what I have seen happen a couple of times (not to me). 2 totally different people, go through a tough time together and end up being together for life . But for that tough situation, they wouldn't have been together even if they were to come across each other regularly. Similarly if two people like each other and things are going good, one silly thing happens and they start hating each other so much that they don't want to see each other's face again or even talk to each other. Even I wasn't able to believe such things until I saw it happening to people around me. I wish I knew what these situations had in them that would bring about such a drastic change. And it's not like you can control or prevent such things. You get to know about them only when they have done their bit. All I can say is someone up there is decitating what should happen to people second by second.

Uncertainty

2006-04-04T13:57:00.000+05:30

I am at a point where I am in a dilema. The decision that I am going to take will decide the my fate for many years to come. Not that I won't be able to change things later but I would have lost a lot of precious time to mention the least. Why is life so uncertain? Can anyone predict it perfectly ? Can anyone predict , for example where s/he is going to be an hour from now ? What s/he is going to be doing a minute from now ? I would say it is impossible. A lot of things can happen in the nick of time. One might be dead with some kind of freaky attack the very next second, another person suffering from a malign cancer would live to die of old age even when the docs have given them 3 months tops. I cannot be sure of being able to finish this post and publish it. I could stop blogging and get busy with something else this very moment and never come back again to it. It's a paradox. If people knew what would happen in the future, they would try and change the way things are happening to prevent all the undesireable events that they've forseen which again would lead to an uncertain future. I sometimes wonder if this is what keeps people going. The urge to know what's next. To see what awaits them in the times to come. To see how different things turn out from what they'd planned. Nonetheless some of us are happy of having achieved 50% of what we'd planned and the rest crib about the rest 50% we couldn't. But all of us get busy planing for the future hoping this time we will achieve a full hundred percent even though we know for sure it isn't going to happen. Even a total pessimist (like me) plans and would have hope in one little corner of his heart :)

Why do we try so hard ....

2006-02-19T10:51:00.000+05:30

... from the time we are born till the time we die, at every point in our lives, every moment that we exist. As an infant we cry whenever we aren't asleep so someone will come take us in their arms . Once we are able to walk we try to reach for everything we can get our hands on. At the age of 3 we start demanding for all the toys on earth. In school we try to be that cool kid who is omnipresent be it on the cricket ground or on the toppers list. Once we enter our teens our harmones start acting up prematurely and we want the prettiest gal to go out with. Who wants to study in the neighbourhood university? Only ivy league and the likes are where we can pursue our dreams. Come placement season we want double the salary our parents got while they were about to retire. Then we want nothing less than Bipasha Basu/John Abraham with the brains of Stephen Hawking. A couple of snazzy cars, a swank bunglow , memebership of the most expensive club , a beach house maybe are basic necessities. Now when our kid is born, we want it to have it's own tennis coach, piano teacher, swimming trainer and the list is endless. We want to retire at 40 with so much wealth that could feed half of India's under nourished population. Then we want to play golf every other day and go fishing in hawaii or skiing in switzerland , leaving behind a bunch of managers to run a business which'll pay for it all.

and when we miss out on any one of the above we crib about it our whole life. Can't we just lead a normal life!!!!

Disclaimer: These feelings are solely of the author of the text

Transitions

2006-01-10T13:28:00.000+05:30

Aren't we all skeptic towards changes? but is it really that tough or is it just illusions that we nurture. It can be as huge as change of country to something as small as the place you sit at work. Till you do it you feel like it can never be the same again. but once you are through you won't find the slightest difference. Atleast that is what I have come to understand from the changes that have happened in my life. Most of us are afraid of the dire consequences that are never there and in the process passup opportuinities that it might have created for us. Change is not inevitable most of the times. How many of us would let things change when we have a say ? Most of us wouldn't, when things are going just fine, and so won't be able to make it better. Yeah! There can be something better. There is always something better to everything. We fail to realise that.
It is more like share market. The more risks you take the better the returns are. I know I know its not always that, but you don't take the risk you'll be where you are throughout your life. It's like the money which you don't want to invest and in due course will lose get reduced in value courtesy inflation. Again it's not that it'll all turn out just fine , but one has to make intelligent guesses as to the way things will go. In the end you win some you lose some. Adding them up to make it a win overall is what is life about.

She's so cute ... must be dumb !!!!

2006-01-04T17:35:00.000+05:30

I've often listened to my female friends(yeah! I do have some :P) complain about their boyfriends breaking up with them for cuter more dumb girls (what's new in it ;)) . The best part is they make it sound like the guy was equally dumb to commit such a "blunder". This even when the answer is staring at them in the eye. How could they miss it ? Let me help all such confused people solve the mystery. Cuter girl - I don't think that need explaination does it ? Guys after all 8- . Girl who's more dumb - Now this is the part most girls don't understand(I said most, not all O:-) ). The only reason could be your boyfriend , whoever he is , thinks that you are too smart for him, that you'll outwit him one of these days , that he won't be able to match you then , that you'll think he's dumb !!! (Well there are other reasons but, solly, censored :D). My advise to you is don't shed a tear for such a coward. He is just not worth it. He'll end up with someone who won't get his jokes even.

P S: Any resemblence to any person living or dead is purely coincidental :D

The rare one forward that brought me to tears

2005-12-28T20:16:00.001+05:30

I picked this one up from my mails . Most of you might have already read it

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"

DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?" replied the man.

SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"

DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.

SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"

DAD: "If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour.""Oh," the little boy replied, with his head down.Looking up, he said,"Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?"The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that isso you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some othernonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everydayfor such this childish behaviour."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to getsome money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, andstarted to think:Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs.50 andhe really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the doorof the little boy's room and opened the door.

"Are you asleep, son?" He asked.

"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.

"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on youearlier," said the man.

"It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straightup, smiling. "Oh, thank you daddy!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up
bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

"Why do you want more money if you already have some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.

"Daddy, I have Rs.100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow.I would like to have dinner with you."

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

P S: i know i know it's a forward but it can't be more touching!!

It's different (not tomato ketchup :P)

2005-12-19T18:44:00.000+05:30

Why are we so different? Why can't there be two people perfectly same in all respect ? Isn't it wonderful that there are 6 billion odd different souls on planet earth!!! What makes each soul different from the other ? Is it that part that keeps this world going ? The unpredictability of every person. Some boring some breathtaking, but in all nothing we might have expected. Now you may say it is possible to predict a person based on his (gender biased , are we ?) earlier actions. I would say NO!! Never is it possible to predict anything in this world accurately. Our reactions change in a split second. They are influenced by a variety of things. We don't repeat things at any point in life. It's like two different pieces cut out of a cake never taste alike if you notice. The piece first tasted will always be more delicious. 6 billion people with 6 billion ways of leading life. Everyone thinking in a different way in a same situation. Even identical twins having the same upbringing are bound to be different. Wonder when this mystery will be solved. Of the supreme being who has got the ability and intelligence to create such a variety of human beings and still creating many more every second!

Friends Forever ?????

2005-12-08T15:16:00.000+05:30

I had written up some CRAP quite a while back. Now I am even more assured about my ideas. I am convinced there is nothing like friendship forever. There is always a point where it ceases to exist. This can happen in many ways. The most common way is the one I have already mentioned. People just don't have the time and patience to find out how their friends are doing. The other one I have seen happening quite often is people grow wary of friends. Like medicines even friends have their shelf life. and expiry time frame if not exact date. This usually happens when everything is exhausted between two friends. Friendship feels like a burden. Now many may argue this is all bullshit, but if you look back at your life there will be atleast one instance when this has happened. We all love change. Change get us excited. Change makes us feel fresh. This is the third reason why there is noone who'll be our friend forever. Your friends circle also changes with your job and location. Most people , you may say , don't make good friends at workplace but I feel otherwise. Once you change your job even this is gone. When any of these happens a friendship turns into just an acquaintance. and in some cases even less!

CAn'T :D

2005-11-30T18:09:00.001+05:30

Been a long time since i wrote anything here. Why? Because it is that time of the year when many aspiring managers (more then half of them don't know what to do in life!!!!) try to bell the CAT and some do succeed and for those who don't , "There is always next year". For some other people like me it is a yearly thing. A day is reserved for it every year (well it takes 3 more , 1 to buy the form another to fill it and a 3rd to post :D). Every year it is the same old thing that "Its do or die , have to do it this time". It starts somwhere in may . You decide you'll start studying from june. In june its like why so early , lot of time left. Work keeps you busy in july and mid august. Appraisal blues in late august and begining of september. September end its like either here or there. October mocks scare the hell out of you by when you aren't even able to hit a 95 percentile. Before you know , it is november 1st jus 20 days to go and you are already thinking of next year CAT.But this time I tried something new. I tried to take sometime off and put my heart and soul into it. 3 weeks' leave(yeah!!! you do get lucky once in a while in software industry too ;)). I was sure I can make it. Wait a minute. What happens when a person a lazy person who has had to work his ass off 10 - 12 hrs a day all gets a 3 week leave out of the blue ??? I'll tell you. He'll give even kumbakarna a complex with his eat - sleep - eat routine. and I was no better. Wonder when i'll stop making IIMs richer sigh!!!!!!

Gimme More

2005-09-26T14:09:00.000+05:30

What is it that we seem to have loads of it and yet we don't seem to have enough? What is it that every person would ask for, granted one wish? What is it that keeps the world on its toes ? What is it that has made you come this far ? What is it that is irreplenishable ? What is it that makes you go insane when you lose track ? What is it that can make you repent the most ? What is it that you would want to bring back but can't ? What is the most precious thing one can imagine ?

Correction :O [-x

2005-09-13T00:32:00.000+05:30

A friend of mine made me realise something today. Some "problematic" area in myself (what isn't !!!)that according to him needs correction. I dismissed him by saying that is the way I am. Now I wonder should one really change themselves just because things are not going exactly how they would want it to? Would it be fair on his/her part to change the person s/he is? Wouldn't s/he be losing his/her identity ? Come to think of it we change every moment. We aren't the same as every second goes by. Be it talking to someone, reading some stuff , just seeing stuff around us while we are out on a jog , listening to music (the one thing every tom dick and harry ought to do these days >:P). I believe everything has an influence on us as a person and modifies our thinking. Was it designed to be that way ? Has the almighty layed down a web for each individual to shape him/her the way s/he is ? If so then how can we possibly change ourselves ?

Bhadrapada Shuddha Chaturthi (read on even if you can't comprehend the title :))

2005-09-09T11:20:00.000+05:30

It is that time of the year again !!! Markets are bustling with all colours of flowers and all types of fruits. Shops stock up new range of clothing giving "upto" x % discounts (nice try!!!). Mom struggles the whole of previous fortnight getting stuff ready and one whole day making dishes that are going to make even kumbakarana start counting calories. Dad and kids if they leave from their "high-tech" (all they do is 1 + 1 = 2 which most of the times comes out 3 :P) work , hunt for new ways to decorate and fight over the size of the idol to buy. The day arrives with uncles , aunts and cousins dropping in. Nearly the only time you get to meet them in a year although they stay just 3 hours away(whoever called it global village :P). and the two days go like 2 seconds. You think of waking up early and finishing puja fast but it inevitably gets till 4 p m because you feel like doing that one abhisheka or sahasranama more afterall its just once a year. When all the creatures in your stomach have died you hog like crazy. By the time you finish you will have people visiting. Again the only time you catch up with old mates. and before you know it its the time to send the mother and the son away!!!:(( These are the moments that makes life worth living. This is the time you actually "LIVE".

but WHY ????

2005-08-18T22:44:00.000+05:30

yet another day bites the dust . I ask myself what I have accomplished today. I think of so many things that I have done during the course of the day. It means so much to me and to so many other people around me. But is that what I wanted to do ? Aren't I doing it just for the heck of doing it? What is it that I want to do? What is it that each one of us wants to do ? Aren't we tempted by the things around us ? Why do we do whatever we do ? Is there any meaning to it ? Don't we try to imitate things around us ? Why do we do that ? Why does human beings have this habit of doing things the way they find it being done ? Take this blog for example . I didn't have any idea what it was till one fine day a friend of mine showed me what she had written. I tried immitating her by making a blog of my own. What if she hadn't shown me her blog. Would I have ever written this piece?

Race against time

2005-07-21T18:21:00.000+05:30

saturday evening sitting at my place. My saturday routine used to be different. Leave home morning , go meet up friends , lunch a movie or two and end the day with dinner somewhere around 9 . It has all changed. I have got tired of doing that. Now all I feel like doing on weekend is sleep. I am feeling old. I am drained out to the core. Sometimes wonder I am still 21 how am i going to survive another whatever number of years I am alive. When I see elder people and their enthusiasm even at the age surrounding 75 I feel terrible at myself. Another example of the fast pace of life. Our starting salaries are more than what our parents used to earn at their retirement but we are 10 times as much drained everyday as they were before their retirement. If this is going to increase at this rate what will happen?
Come to think about it why does life have to change. Why should it be different from what it was a half a century ago. Thinks have become smaller faster and we try to keep up with them. But WHY ????

shortest post ever ;)

2005-07-19T14:38:00.000+05:30

yesterday during lunch i went to get a cup of mountain dew and guess what was written on the vending machine

DO NOT WORK ... CO OPERATE

the obedient worker that I am ... I did what they asked me to :D

Obsession

2005-07-13T18:55:00.000+05:30

I am in a terrific mood today. So you people are in for something really "good". Think twice before you proceed further. ;)
All my life I have been trying to get something, but it seems to run away time and again. Sometimes it feels so close that 1 jump and I can grab it. The next moment it seems oceans away. Everytime I strive to get as close to it as possible but at the end of the day the distance is same as it was at the begining. What have I not done to achieve it? Except open my mouth. That is something I just can't do. It is so embarrasing. I feel like I should be in mental care instead of speaking. God lone knows when I started trying. I wish I hadn't because it has become addictive. I can't let go. It is lingering all the time. It just refuses to leave me alone. One moment I am fully convinced that it has left me but the next moment someone happen and I am back to square one. Why me ? aren't there millions of others like me out there? Why darn me? Or is it that there aren't millions .Is it that there isn't anybody else ? Am I the only one in this state in the whole of mankind? Have I been so different from others? So disconnected from reality? Have I lost it? will somebody care to show me the light ?

Books Books Books

2005-06-23T11:02:00.000+05:30

STUDY. The verb that has never been in my dictionary. I see people studying day and night and wonder how they have so much patience to keep looking at some stuff which a person like them had written ages ago. and that too when they have so many tempting things surrounding them begging them to enjoy life every moment. Well they are made of some strange material I can never understand. Earlier I had thought that in every person's life a point comes where they stops doing this boring thing but a year into my job I have discovered otherwise. Now I see even people who are 10 years into it doing some sort of studying all the time. When I started working for my current company one of the successful people here had told me that the only way you can be worthwhile as the years passby is to add more and more to that lil brain of yours. But whenever I sit to study it won't continue after a page. Why doesn't the one sitting up there have even a little mercy on me? Why does he wants to keep that lil chamber of mine empty?

Life in a fast lane

2005-05-09T21:57:00.000+05:30

I was chatting with a friend of mine. I took a weird turn. I don't know how we came to discuss it but suddenly something flashed in my mind. We meet so many people in our lives. So of them become very good friends. but when you are busy and can't keep in touch. your friendship fades away. Given sufficient time you will forget to find out how they are doing. what is happening in their life and all. still more time you begin to forget you had met someone who resembled them. still more time they cease to exist for you. is that friendship all about. the momentary happiness you enjoy being with that person. and a year hence not even remember that person existed. has the world come to a point where people don't have time for lifelong friendships but just acquiantances for a short duration. Has our life become so fast that we don't even have time to say hi to the ones with whom we spent our most joyous time whose memories are long forgotten.

A day in the life of PRS

2005-05-05T23:28:00.000+05:30

0630 hrs : alarm rings

0700 hrs: still ringing. gives up. how lazy can a person get !!!

0800 hrs: Gosh! its 8. Well gym will have to wait another day. I will go to office early and get back before dark.

0900 hrs: still in the shower. no use leaving early. the traffic will be terrible

0945 hrs: bannerghatta road. why doesn't bangalore have a subway.*sigh*

1045 hrs: just when you are about to check your mail the phone rings. Caller: I created new loan. Entered this this this data. went to credit and then to proposal. came back to quickApp and then removed this added this these many times. and I am getting a null pointer.

1200 hrs: let me check who is online. i need a break.

1315 hrs: its so late. again the sweet dish would be over.

1430 hrs: what am i doing. the null pointer. bug number #%^@#$ . FE . Hope they all work this time.

1600 hrs: meeting time. if only the reminder in outlook would have been proper. darn everytime i am the last person

1750 hrs: tea time but let me just fix this null pointer before i leave.

1930 hrs: not possible let me get a cup here itself.

2035 hrs: done. hurray

2100 hrs: got to go. let me say good night to people

2130 hrs: who the hell wrote yahoo IM. it is ruining my sleep. me who used to sleep 14 hrs a day

2205 hrs: bannerghatta road again. and here i was thinking i am the only one overworked.

2230 hrs: call home talk for half an hour most of which is "nothing". have food and scream at my annadaata to switch off radio city

0000 hrs: good night pommu

shake your body

2005-05-03T23:15:00.000+05:30

It had been quite a while since i had danced. The last time was somewhere in november. Till that time whenever i danced it was just for fun. As in there was nothing special about it. Some trance music and you go all out shaking every part of your body. But today I have discovered something new about dance. Wonder why I hadn't experienced it earlier. May be because I was never tired enough. But today I felt so relaxed, i hadn't felt so relieved for as long as i can remember. All the accumulated strain of 5 months was out in a flash . I realised how much I was missing all these days . just dance for an hour and your mind will be totally fresh.

Insanity

2005-03-01T20:24:00.000+05:30

There are things in life which make you go crazy . Some people have control over such things , but others just don't . I am not sure about how much this 'others' population accounts for but I am sure its not small . From what I have come to know these can be anything like a book, a movie , an article , a few words from a someone even. Why does it have to be so different ? Does the sane population follow some rules set by nature? What makes the 'others' not a part of it? Sometimes I wonder if this is what differentiates visionaries from common man. But all these kind of abnormal reactions need not end up in something great. So how can you conclude that one is going to end up with something great and the other is not and the other which did not end up in something great where did it go wrong? Did it not have the foundation which the successful ones have or did it not get the same effort the successful ones did. and one final option is was it junk the whole time .

Addictions

2005-02-25T19:45:00.000+05:30

Another day comes to end . As I sit at my desk to leave office I think what is it that I have been trying to do all day. I have been trying to meet more people , know the ones I have already met better. But WHY??? I just don't know . Another day spent but I don't know the purpose of my life. Another day spent without knowing what is in store tomorrow .What will I want to do tomorrow .
I listen to music but I don't know why I am listening to them. These seem to be the tunes that make me smile. How??? I don't know. I listen to songs. Those are the words I want to hear. They seem unreal .They seem to be telling me stories that are impossible to realize. They seem to be telling me things that I already know. They seem to be telling me the feelings that are so clear. That don't need to be spelt out. But still I like them. I listen to them all the time.

my first blog ever :)

2005-02-18T19:28:00.000+05:30

I don't know why I am doing this . Maybe because of sheer boredom. I am not this kinda person who keeps writing about things around him or things happening to him . (excuse the gender bias *whatever that means*) Hell I am not even the kinda person who thinks about such stuff . My lifez pretty empty and open . Everyone knows it . Maybe because the upstairs is sleeping .Its always been sleeping but i don't know how I keep going . How I survived today. How I am going to survive tomorrow . I can be the best example of a man who has nothing in his life. No aim no ambition no feelings no reasoning hell I am a robot . but atleast robot does what its programmed to do . I don't do even that.